Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies. For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house
Yesterday I overdosed heavily and I mean HEAVILY on xanax again. As the intelligent people know, suicide is not very possible with benzos alone just to be clear I didn’t want to kill myself, but I was in a severe state of anger and sadness and fucked-upness (more than normal, I mean and I had so many reasons, sadly…) and nothing could take the pain away so took a ridiculously high amount of bars (I won’t say how much because I’m not here to give ideas to some smart asses) and entered into a fucking nirvana of calmness and sadness at the same time for endless hours and just remained still like a corpse until I fell asleep for like six hours while the soundtrack of Only Lovers Left Alive was playing on a loop until noon.
Yeah, so romantic.
The thing is, my benzo tolerance is getting so strong it’s obvious that the time they will not work for me anymore could come anytime and that is terrifying. I don’t like mood stabilizers or neuroleptics because they fuck me up more till the point I can’t function in the most basic way so I’m hanging by this tiny thread of daily survival that I don’t know when it will fail me forever.
(Sorry for not putting a ‘read more’ cut, but I can’t do that from my tablet.)